MSU v Georgia

It's a Dawg Fight!

George Clinton and the Parliamentary Funkadelic - Atomic Dog

The blog is going to take a detour this week... we won't be doing all the regular features, so that we can instead bring you this lovely little story about friends, football and alcohol...

Mr. Mitch's Wild Ride -

So this week's blog will be a little different, for reasons you're about to find out.  I did not really have an opportunity to watch the game, although I had a ticket and was actually in the stands for the first half, so I can only comment on the info I've received about the game secondhand and what I've read in the post-game aftermath.

Please note, all names have been changed to protect the guilty.  Yes, guilty.

So my friend, we'll call him Mitch, he is an MSU alumnus and football fan.  He bought a set of season tickets with me so he could attend any of our homegames provided he could get the time off from work.  His first game to attend this season was the LA Tech game this past weekend.

We start the weekend off by going downtown and having a great time eating and drinking with friends, and watching one of our old friends from college play an accoustic set.  The next morning we rise and shine and start prepping for gameday.  We get the cooler, stock it full of beer and mixers, and head off to campus.  After we make 'the drop' at the tailgate we go and park my car in the Cotton District at Stagger Inn (decent little sports bar if you're ever in the area).  We go inside, have a great lunch and a couple of beers while watching the first half of the Georgia/Ole Miss game.

After a while I noticed a sign on the wall for Jim Beam - Devil's Cut.  I'm not going to go into the whole process, but basically when making bourbon there is an Angel's Share and a Devil's Cut, which are both considered to be lost in the process of making the bourbon.  Apparently Jim Beam figured out a way to get the Devil's Cut, that is the alcohol that has been soaked up by the wooden barrels in which it's aged, back out of the wood.  I was intrigued and I do enjoy my bourbon from time to time, so I thought I'd buy a round for myself and my two friends, Mitch and Jerry.

At this point Mitch tells me he's ok with beer, but with liquor he sorta has trouble 'pacing himself.'  I've known him a long time and knew what he was talking about, but thought to myself, "What's the harm in having one?  He can keep his pace..."  The Devil's Cut was a hit, and we decided to wrap the party up and move it to the tailgate.

At the tailgate I mix myself the old standby, Captain and Coke. (I love it so much my dogs are named Captain and Morgan...)  Mitch has himself a couple of beers (pacing and all) and Jerry, our other friend from back in the day, is enjoying his Jack Daniel's.  Around two hours before kickoff Mitch breaks out this 'great new liquor' he's found called Blackheart.  He mixes himself a drink and then mixes one for me.  I took one drink and gave it away.  It was god-awful, like someone mixed Southern Comfort with rain water from Bourbon Street the day after Mardi Gras ends.  Mitch says he likes it... Whatever, buddy.  Enjoy.

So about 30 minutes before kickoff we begin making our way to the stadium and I get separated from Mitch and Jerry.  Luckily I spot them again when I get up the ramp to our seats at the first concession stand.  In the typical "slightly tipsy, excited about an upcoming sporting event" manner I proceed to run up and give a shoulder check to Mitch.  He stumbles a bit more than I expect and when he turns around his eyes are damn near crossed.  Immediately I think "Oh hell, here we go... no more for Mitch until after the game."  So for a little damage control Mitch buys one of those big, soft pretzels to hopefully settle his stomach, and a coke.

You're doing it wrong...

We go and sit at one of the tables on the concourse, and Jerry and myself are standing on the opposite side of the table from Mitch, talking when we hear the tell-tale sounds of sputtering.  Looking around we see Mitch has 'rejected' his recently ingested pretzel all over the table.  We give the obligatory damnations and send him to the bathroom, ostensibly for the purposes of cleaning himself up and getting any more of that shit out of his system before we go to our seats.

He comes back a few minutes later and appears none the worse for wear, but definitely not any better, either.  We proceed into the stands to find a good spot to watch the game.  As an aside, our seats suck but that is our own fault for missing the season ticket deadline a few years ago.  As a result we are shoved in the very southernmost section on the east side, basically looking at the side/back of the jumbotron.  For that reason we tend to 'squat' in other seats.

Before you get all uppity about our squatting, know this.  We look for open seats, and when we find them we ask the people sitting there if anyone is sitting in them.  If they say no, I explain how our seats suck but if the ticket holders come along we will gladly move, we just want a better view, no harm no foul.  Never had a problem before.

Anyway, we find a great spot, three wide and nobody sitting in front of us (thank god for THAT).  The crowd noise is pretty loud, as are the songs and effects coming from the speakers, and of course the cowbells.  Mitch sits between Jerry and myself and immediately puts on his hat and sunglasses, and props his head up in his hands.

Kickoff ensues, and I notice Mitch has slumped a little more, and has now folded his arms across his knees and has his head down resting on his arms.  As there wasn't really a lot anyone could do for him I just let him be, figuring the worst was behind us.  Oh how wrong I was...

At some point during the first quarter Mitch has now slid entirely off his seat and is sitting on the concrete, bracing his back against the seat.  He still has his head down between his knees, but has drawn his feet up a little more, getting closer and closer to the beloved-by-all-drunks fetal position.

MSU scores a touchdown, the crowd goes wild, I jump up and start ringing my cowbell.  Jerry does the same, albeit a bit slower, but then Jerry is a bit slower at just about everything.  I look down to check on Mitch and discover that he has dug really deep, and not in a good way.  He's busted out the technicolor yawn all over the concrete between his feet.  He's called Ralph and Earl, and unfortunately without the aid of the porcelain telephone.  Yes, he has jettisoned the chunky cargo... I call Jerry's attention to this.  Jerry looks at me and shrugs.  Thanks Jerry.

The clock is now ticking.  If and when this gets noticed we will need to be elsewhere or face the wrath of the stadium gestapo.  I am now entirely disregarding the football game (I was told after the fact that I didn't miss much, but still if I had my choice.....) and trying to coax Mitch into going back to the bathroom, or better yet, the tailgate.  Unfortunately for those of you who are aware of the phases of the classic drunken stupor, Mitch is now in the 'immovable' stage.  He can't focus, he can't speak, and he certainly can't stand or walk.  He also can't stop 'spommiting.' 

The legendary liquid scream...

Spommit (verb, noun) is a phrase coined for Mitch due to his volcanic nature of regurgitation.  While most people open their mouths and let it all come out like a flood, Mitch fights it as hard as he can, and in doing so he squeezes his lips shut.  So what happens when someone vommits in their mouths and forces their lips shut?  Spommit, that's what.  It's like a small-scale projectile vommit, typically with a cone-shaped dispersion pattern.  During our college days Mitch had perfected the art of grabbing a nearby (usually empty) glass or cup and discretely depositing his unwanted stomach contents in it.  Unfortunately he is now out of practice.

I'll be right back!

So Mitch is slowly releasing burst after burst of  partially-digested grossness onto the pavement and I try to recruit Jerry to help with an extraction.  Jerry, however, is more focused on Jerry's need to pee.  I implore Jerry not to go because I know the second he moves the family of four seated on the other side of him will notice Mitch's handiwork and call for help.  Jerry insists he will be fast and no one will notice, and drunk Jerry doesn't listen any better than sober Jerry, who is pretty piss-poor at it anyway.  So as Jerry is walking down the steps I look at the scoreboard and suddenly I feel like -I- might be sick, but for a very different reason.  In focusing all my efforts on minimizing the damage from Mitch I lost track of time, and Jerry has gone to take a piss with 10 seconds left in the first half.  Oh yeah, you'll be right back.

Halftime: People walking past, wrinkling their noses, me giving weak apologies and continually trying to move the immovable object while he continues to unleash the unstoppable force.  I am also frantically calling and texting Jerry for assistance... and let me just take a moment right here to give a big F U to AT&T for their continually shitty service on game days.  Anyway, as the teams run on to the field to start the second half I see two uniformed police officers round the corner at the bottom of the steps and the dad from the family of four to our right points out Mitch.  In the words of some Anheuser Busch ad exec, "Here we go."

The officers come up and proceed to grab Mitch by the shoulder and shake him, rather violently.  "Oh lord, don't do that!" I said, concerned they are going to make matters worse.

Old cop: Well, he ain't stayin here.
Me: I understand but I've tried moving him and he won't move.
Old cop: Oh he's gonna move whether or not he likes it.  He's being arrested for public intoxication.
Me: I understand that, but could you at least clear a path?  I don't want him "marking up" anyone on his way out.

Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Old cop: *sigh* fine.

Young cop clears the row, they both put on gloves and lift Mitch by the elbows.  Luckily Mitch has ejected the majority of his ballast, and thus avoids any incidents while in motion.  As they are escorting him down the steps they are asking him a barrage of questions such as "Have you been drinking tonight?" "How much have you had to drink?" "Do you have any alcohol on you?" etc.  Mitch's answer to every question is "I'm sorry."  Now we're at the apologetic drunk phase.  I've been in full-on damage control mode since sometime in the first quarter, so I chime in with responses for him, such as "He's had a couple drinks, yeah, but I think it's that pizza.  I took a bite and spit it out, it was so nasty."  Did the cops buy this?  Probably not, but plausible deniability and all that....

As we are walking through the concourse I spot Jerry, leaned up against a pole with his phone to his ear.  We walk right in front of him, and as his semi-glazed over eyes appear to focus on Mitch and widen I'm in his face, grabbing his shoulder and saying "Dude, help."  I turn around to catch up with the cops thinking Jerry is now on board as well, which gives me a little hope.  I don't know what good Jerry could've done, but at least we'll all go down together, right?

Wrong.  We get to the elevator and while the cops are commadeering it I turn around expecting to see Jerry right there behind me.  Nope.  Nothing.  Nada.  Jerry has ditched us.  Thanks Jerry.  So I hop on the express elevator to hell and while we're riding down one of the cops asks me "Are we going to find any weapons on him?"  Now in my mind I'm thinking guns, machetes, nunchucks.  I actually laughed at the notion.  "Him? No way..."

We get down to the mobile booking station and they pat him down, pulling out his wallet, his phone, and a pocket knife.  I actually cringed because I had no idea he had it, and apologized profusely, but the cops seemed unconcerned after the litanny of apologies spewing forth from Mitch's mouth.  They also confiscate four untouched airline sized bottles of Blackheart.  During all of this Mitch is sitting indian-style on the ground, head down and swaying (and still apologizing, I guess at this point to the spirits of the Indian Burial Ground which Davis Wade Stadium is built on).

Once the officer takes Mitch's information from his license he turns to me...

Young Cop: I need your information, too.
Me: Whoa, wait... what do you need my info for?  I didn't do anything...
Young Cop: If we're gonna release him to you we need your info.
Me: If, by that, you mean I can take him away from here and neither of us is going to jail then I'm happy to give you my info.
Young Cop: Ok, so gimme your info then...

Information is given and all of Mitch's possessions (minus four airline sized bottles) are returned to him.  As I'm hauling Mitch to his feet Young Cop decides to show off for his buddies.  He puffs out his chest and turns to Mitch and declares "Now, if we catch you trying to come back into this game..."

I cut Young Cop off laughing so hard I nearly pissed myself.  While I do understand that some drunken douchebags might get kicked out and try to sneak back in, even this guy could see that Mitch, being in the state he was in, had no idea where he was or that there was even a game going on.  Young Cop deflates slightly and finishes his sentence, "...we'll arrest you for disturbing the peace and public intoxication."

With tears of laughter in my eyes at the notion of Mitch trying to pull a stunt like that I apologize for laughing and thank the officers, and we head back to the tailgate.  Once back at the tailgate I have Mitch recline on a nice, comfy patch of grass and begin to pull his shit together.(see below)

Looks comfy to me... he's fiiiiine.

Once he's settled I look around at neighboring tailgates' televisions to discover we're in overtime against LA Tech.  Whiskey.  Tango.  Foxtrot.  As if this night wasn't bad enough already, we're clawing and scraping to escape Louisianna Tech?  Luckly (and I do mean LUCKILY) we pull out the win and slowly my friends start to reappear at the tailgate.  I go to the cooler to make myself a drink and that's when I realize what went wrong.

DO NOT WANT.

Mitch bought a fifth of Blackheart.  Mitch made three drinks.  I gave the one he made me away because it tasted like SoCo poured out of a crackwhore's ass.  He drank the other two.  After three drinks the bottle was approximately 90-95% empty.  So Mitch took down almost 2/3's of a fifth of some sugary-sweet nastiness in about 45 minutes or so.  Anyway, I'm forced to relay the story of our being escorted from the stadium repeatedly as new friends appear, but that's ok because we didn't end up in jail, and really, isn't that what friends are for?


The next day when I relate this little tale to Mitch he laughs heartily at himself and thanks me profusely for keeping his ass out of jail.  I then inform him he is no longer allowed to drink Blackheart.  He has agreed to this punishment.  When I asked him why the hell he made his drinks so strong his reply was, "They just tasted so good!"  I have to wonder if he'd feel the same if he could remember the way it tasted the second time around...



Now that we have that out of the way...

MSU plays Georgia this weekend if anybody cares.  Should be a good game.  The key to the game will be turnovers.  Stay on the winning side of the turnover margin and the Western Dogs should win out.  Having Carmon back should help the offense if he can contribute without further injury. Yadda yadda yadda... it's been a busy week.

FINAL SCORE -

WILD AND WOOLLY PREDICTION -
MSU 35 - GA 21

REALISTIC PREDICTION -
MSU 14 - GA 27

MSU v LA Tech

Monster Magnet - Spacelord

I left my throne a million miles away.
I drink from your tit,
I sing your blues every day.
Now give me the strength
To split the world in two, yeah.
I ate all the rest and now I've gotta eat you...

JUST A S.E.C. - Hey look!  More new stuff!  This week we kick off a new segment where we take a look around the conference and see how the other half lives. So please, give us Just a S.E.C....

R.E.M. calling it quits?
Say it ain't so!!

OM vs GA - Our neighbors to the north have a pivotal game on the slate for Saturday, facing the embattled Mark Richt and his Georgia Bulldogs.  I say pivotal because when the clock strikes zero on this game, one coach's arse will be squarely on the hot seat.  Look for that arse to belong to the Right and Honorable Reverend Houston Dale Nutt, Esquire.  However, if the odds-makers are wrong by giving 10.5 points in favor of the Bulldogs then look for Mark Richt to go all R.E.M.


Bama vs Ark - One of the highlights of the weekend will definitely be the match-up between the Hogs and the Tide.  It's the SEC's top offense squaring off against the SEC's top defense, and it's going to have league-wide implications.  The winner of this game puts themselves in position to win the West, and from there a win in the SEC championship game will likely put them in place to play for the national title.

Fla vs UK - While many MSU fans are upset about losing 12 straight to LSU, and rightly so, how about a little perspective?  Florida has won twentyfive straight games against Kentucky.  Twenty.  Five.  That pretty much tells you all you need to know about this match-up.  Sorry, Kats.

South Carolina vs Vandy - Two teams out of the East that don't typically spring to mind first when you think of undefeated after three weeks would be SC and Vandy, but entering this weekend they both sport a 3-0 record.  Marcus Lattimore is a legitimate rushing threat to compliment Stephen Garcia's passing game, but SC has yet to put together a solid performance for all 60 minutes yet.  Meanwhile, Vanderbilt is coming off a solid win against Ole Miss and James Franklin has the Commodores playing beyond themselves.  Don't be surprised to see Vandy give the Gamecocks all they can handle on Saturday.

Auburn vs FAU - The Tigers face Florida Atlantic this weekend, in what should be a rout.  Gus Malzhan will ensure that Auburn recovers from last weekend's loss to Clemson and gets back on the winning side of things.

Hey Coach Nutt, Coach Richt!
We got your seat right here!

LSU vs WVU - The other Tigers travel to Morgantown, WV to take on the Mountaineers Saturday in an SEC/Big East contest.  Both teams sit at 3-0, with LSU ranked #2 and WVU ranked #16, and QB Gino Smith figures to test the lightning fast LSU defense with his arm.  Smith is currently slinging around 70% of his passing successfully, so this will be a true test for the Tiger defense.

Peepin' Croom in all his glory...

PICK OF THE SIX - This week's Pick of the Six features a great weekly thread from Six Pack Speak, the Fark Off competition.  In this weekly competition, readers are given source pics and a few rules as guidance, and tasked to come up with some fun, funny and creative pics that involve MSU and/or the opponents.  A little creativity with Peepin' Croom, a Six Pack legacy, garnered this thread a spot in the Six Pack Remembers forum, where some of the greatest posts from the board's history are archived for posterity.  Grats to mechdawg for his creativity.

Can you feel the bro-mance?

LAST WEEK - Last week the LSU defense flew into Starkville below radar and proceeded to lay an embarrassing beat down on MSU's offense.  Tyrann Mathieu was Slider to Morris Claiborne's Iceman, with the pair netting 2 INT's (Claiborne) and 10 tackles (Matthieu) between them.  Now admittedly LSU will likely end up having a top 10 defense in the country when it's all said and done, but the Bulldog faithful still expected a little more from the offense.  The fact that there were no touchdowns by either team going into the fourth quarter is a testament to how hard the D work on both sides of the field Saturday.  LSU's offense is nothing to laugh at, and the MSU defense made some good adjustments after letting a close one slip away to Auburn the week before.  Frankly, as an MSU fan I am more upset about the Auburn loss than LSU, but Dan Mullen is reaping what he's sown by raising the fan base's expectations now.  Can he rally the troops and right the ship this week?

-Are we pretty yet?!
-No.
-DRINK MOAR!

THIS WEEK - In a word, yes.  This weeks patsy opponent is LA Tech out of the WAC, and if you don't think Dan Mullen, Les Koenning and the rest of the MSU offense is not only relieved but licking their collective chops at the prospect of throwing down an epic beatdown on the lil' bulldogs from Louisiana you're fooling yourself.  Mississippi State apparently drew the ire of the scheduling gods the last few seasons, having to face off against the likes of LSU and Auburn in the first 3-4 games of the season.  Admittedly the road is never easy in the SEC, but what I wouldn't give to trade Auburn or LSU out for an earlier meeting with Ole Miss, or better yet an out-of-conference foe?  Speaking of Ole Miss, have you heard?  The wheels are coming off faster than a sorostitutes clothes after five apple-tinis.  There's this, and this, and even this.  Oh, and this, too.  Not.  Good. 


KEYS TO THE GAME - No secrets here, just make sure we minimize mistakes and focus on fundamentals.  Say, that was kinda catchy, wasn't it?  "Minimize mistakes, focus on fundamentals."(TM) Boom, now you gotta pay me to use that, coach...

You keep using that word...

Anyway, MSU can, should and will win by at least 2 touchdowns.  Anything less and the Bulldogs will still have much of the fanbase questioning how much progress they're making.  This is not meant as a slight to LA Tech, but let's pull out a couple of analogies here.  1) Big brother, little brother.  Big bro's got 3-4 years on ya, there, little fellah.  You're not gonna be dunking on him anytime soon.  2) Pack dynamics.  We're the full-grown bulldog, you're the pup.  You're not gonna be the alpha anytime soon, either.  This isn't the same team that lost to Maine.  Losing to LA Tech is simply inconceivable.  INCONCEIVABLE!!!



OFFENSE - It's hard to say that MSU's offense made any progress from weeks 2 to 3, but squaring off against one of the top defenses in the country can have that effect.  That being said, I personally think Chris Relf and the WR corps are largely responsible.  Connect on a few of those passes and we continue to move the chains.  Continue to move the chains and we are in a position to score, and also give LSU a much longer field to work with.  Just as a few missed/dropped passes cost us the games against Auburn in 2010 and 2011, it also cost us against LSU.  Chris Relf must return to the form he was in at the end of last season, and during the Gator Bowl blowout of Michigan, if opposing defenses are going to take him seriously as a passing threat.  Otherwise it's stack the box and stuff the run.


DEFENSE - MSU's defense should finally be able to showcase some progress this weekend, which is definitely going to be a weight off Chris Wilson's shoulders.  LA Tech's offense was able to keep pace with Case Keenum and Houston last weekend, although they ended up on the losing side of that contest.  You can expect the combo of Banks and Broomfield to take at least one pick to the house this weekend, and unless the D line falls asleep on their feet there's not much of a rushing threat to be seen.  Look for lots of rotation throughout the defensive side of the ball as MSU gets more reps for their backups at every position.


BOTTOM LINE - The SEC Dawgs walk away victorious, and honestly, was there ever really a doubt?  Dan Mullen has changed expectations for the Bulldogs, and his next step is to win those 'close call' games with SEC-caliber opponents.  Looking ahead to another dogfight next weekend between the Hedges, the maroon-clad Bulldogs must tighten up to prepare for Georgia, and Dan will use this game as a teaching experience.


FINAL SCORE -


WILD AND WOOLLY PREDICTION -
MSU 47 LA Tech 0


REALISTIC PREDICTION -
MSU 41 LA Tech 10

Where's my rubber ducky?

For all the LA Tech fans experiencing a fit of rage after reading this (yes, all three of you) all I can tell you is it's not going to be pretty.  Terry Bradshaw would be well advised to go have a beer with Frank Caliendo's John Madden and talk about Sunday's NFL matchups, because any way you slice it this will be a slaughter.  If you disagree then click the link at the top and shoot me an email... I'll be sure to take the craziest rants and post them here for all to see.  Cheers!

Bulldogs and Tigers and Corndogs, oh my!

Tool - Bottom

Shit adds up, shit adds up, shit adds up, shit adds up at the bottom...

If I let you, you would make me destroy myself.
In order to survive you, i must first survive myself.
I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you.
There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you.
I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain...
I will use my mistakes against you, there's no other choice.
I'm shameless now, I'm nameless now, I'm nothing now, I'm no one now.
But my soul must be iron 'cause my fear is naked...
I'm naked and fearless...
And my fear is naked!
 

Last week's first ever poll for this week's theme song ended in a tie (2 whole votes!), so I made an executive decision following the Auburn game to go with a alternative that is far more apropos given the results.  Shit adds up at the bottom, after all.  But that's not what this selection is about...

I chose that particular excerpt of lyrics for a very good reason.  Ok two reasons... first off, the song is just badass.  But also, this song isn't just about "shit happens" or "shit rolls down hill" or any of that.  It's more like "shit happens, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you dictate the shit that happens to me.  I will rise above your short-sighted, preconceived notions of what you believe I should be and reinvent myself."  And that is exactly what this MSU team will have to do if they want a chance at knocking off arguably the best team in the country in week 3.


PICK OF THE SIX -

Sexy maaan, sexy maaaan!

We're starting a new feature this week on the blog, the Pick of the Six.  This is where I post a link to a funny/informative/entertaining thread from the Six Pack Speak website.  This is a great website for all things MSU, and if you're not on there yet you're already behind the game.  A few important notes:  I highly recommend you DO NOT dive in and start posting right away.  Read more, post less is the name of the game here.  Also, 17 is not a number, it's an expletive.  And finally, you'd do well not to offer any grammar/spelling advice as you'll only be exposing and embarrassing yourself, even if your write. (see what I did there?) The Pick of the Six will vary depending on the day of the week, the upcoming/previous opponents and quality of board content, but I'm sure you'll be entertained.

And with that, I give you this week's Pick of the Six: Coach34's Sunday Morning QB - Auburn Edition. Now a little background on Coach34, he is the number one troll on the Six Pack and he's not afraid to stir the pot.  Half the time (half? ok, 90%) he posts shit to get folks riled up, but he knows a thing or two about football and he is a true fan.  Also he's kind of an ass, but that's a prerequisite for trolls anyway...


LAST WEEK -
They say the most improvement happens between week one and week two, but there is (or at least should be) a caveat to that.  The most improvement is going to happen after you're able to accurately assess your abilities.  Memphis did not test MSU's defense, and so the question marks remained question marks instead of turning into exclamation marks.  But now that Auburn has exposed the issues at hand for this defense, those questions can at least be addressed.  Disregarding the short week, you can expect to see some significant adjustments on the defensive side of the ball.

Must fight urge to photoshop 'f' onto shirt!

So my predictions may have been wrong, but I was right about a few key factors.  The offenses were able to move the ball and score almost at will, MSU ran the ball quite well, and Guz Malzhan fine tuned his offense to a much improved result.  As I told some friends in casual conversation, I was a little concerned to see the numbers that Auburn's special teams unit put up, as that's where most of their yardage came from vs. Utah State(Auburn rushing: 78 yds, Auburn special teams [returning yardarge]: 270 yds) and what that meant for our kicking game/special teams situations.  Turns out I was right to be worried.  Auburn's special teams are, in a word, special.  I may end up eating crow thanks to my parting shot at Auburn in the pre-game blog... but we'll cook that bird when we come to it.  Meanwhile MSU has yet to find a kicker that can consistently produce touch backs, and that resulted in many short field opportunities for the Tigers, while the Bulldogs had to go to work inside their own 20 yard line more times than any coach likes to see.  I mean is it really that hard to find a hot-ass coed who can boot the pigskin 75 yards?  Hell, if Kathy Ireland can do it...

THIS WEEK - This is a short week, so the Bulldogs got back to work less than 24 hours after the humbling loss to Auburn.  LSU put on a clinic in week one against a very good Oregon team who turned around and pounded out some frustrations on Nevada to the tune of 69 points.  The smart money is on LSU to coast to a win here, but in football terminology that translates into "Trap Game."  Will the Bayou Bengals be focused?  Will Chris Wilson make the necessary adjustments?  Why do LSU fans smell like corn dogs?  Will the Bulldogs be over the loss?  Will ESPN send an uber-hottie sideline reporter?  All these answers and much more on the next episode of Soap...  er, wait.  Sorry, I get distracted easily... Right! On with the show!

KEYS TO THE GAME -
This week the Bulldogs have a daunting task ahead of them.  LSU is loaded at nearly every position, even after losing their starting QB and another player due to some off the field shenanigans.  After the gut-wrenching loss on the Plains MSU returns home for their season and conference home opener.  Can Mississippi State collect themselves and put an improved product on the field, and if so will it be enough to keep LSU from steamrolling the Bulldogs for a 12th straight time?
In a word, maybe.  As I said earlier, the Auburn loss was valuable from a self-evaluation stand point for our defense.  Whereas Memphis barely tested our 2nd and 3rd string defense, Auburn exposed some weaknesses in players, schemes and techniques.  So this is MSU's "week two" and we will see what sort of adjustments are made to staunch the bleeding.  Can Chris Wilson rally his troops and make the necessary adjustments or will he go the way of the Torbushes or the Joe Lee Dunns of the world?

OFFENSE -
Dan Mullen has definitely improved the product MSU is putting on the field, there is no doubt about that.  Even in the disheartening loss to Auburn, Mississippi State was able to put up solid offensive numbers.  333 rushing yards, 198 passing yards... both of these eclipse Auburn's efforts on the day.  The difference was special teams and starting field position. The offense needs their defense and special teams to put them in a more favorable position if they're going to beat the Tigers.

A few injuries to the offensive line did not help matters, although Mullen feels Quentin Saulsberry will be available Thursday night.  Dillon Day put in some good time in his absence, leaving many to wonder if Saulsberry wouldn't be better off moving to a guard position and letting Day handle the snaps going forward.  Still, LSU is stacked on both O and D lines, so this unit will have their work cut out for them.  Look for MSU to continue to look to Vick Ballard as the workhorse of the offense, with Chris Relf also sneaking in a surprising number of yards with his own two feet.  LaDarius Perkins is not to be forgotten either, but speaking of forgotten, where the hell is Robert Elliot?  The buzz out of the spring was that he had returned to his pre-injury greatness and his speed would astound and amaze.  Certainly it couldn't hurt to throw a wrinkle out for Les Miles' crew to deal with?

DEFENSE -
Where do you start?  Missed tackles, soft coverage, bad scheming... the list goes on.  It's too early to start the fireChrisWilson.com chatter just yet, but he's definitely got something to prove if he wants the Bulldog faithful to remain in his camp. Unfortunately for him, LSU is not quite the punching bag you hope to see when you're looking to get over a loss and put up some better stats for a little bit of the feel-good magic.

But it's not all bad.  Corey Broomfield is proving himself a valuable asset, as is Johnathan Banks who had an interception returned for TD Saturday.  Cam Lawrence also posted some solid stats, with 14 tackles, 12 solo, and 1 sack for a 10 yard loss.  If you want to take a positive away from the negative, it's that one of the underlying problems is fundamentals, which is coachable (is that a word? ...well it is now!) and correctable.  The defense has to get back to the basics, namely finishing tackles, in order to get back in the game.  Do that, and we should see marked improvement from the D, even against the likes of LSU.

BOTTOM LINE -
I'd love to say it's about who wants it more... as Gene Hackman says in The Replacements, "Heart."  But LSU is the proverbial Goliath to MSU's David.  MSU is more likely to find themselves looking up from the quicksand than they are to be looking down from the mountaintop. The question is whether or not Dan and his Bulldogs can shake the loss to Auburn, move on in this short week, and really get up for the game Thursday night.

There is an awful lot going in favor of MSU, believe it or not.  Home opener.  SEC opener.  Thursday night game.  ESPN will be on hand.  Oh, and let's not forget the cowbells.  All of these will have the home crowd whipped into a frenzy, and the team can and should feed off that energy.  Will it be enough?

FINAL SCORE -
MSU started last season 1-2 after three games, so the world doesn't end if they lose to the Tigers Thursday night.  However the road to Atlanta would essentially be closed if that ends up being the case.  Still, it's a young season and anything could happen.  As much as I'd like to predict a win, it's so unlikely that even I am hesitant.  With that said...

WILD AND WOOLLY PREDICTION -
MSU 24 - LSU 21

REALISTIC PREDICTION -
MSU 21 - LSU 42

Yeah yeah, I hear you... that's what a wild and woolly prediction is for, though.  If you look back at my past prognostications you'll see I don't always predict MSU to win, even in wild and woolly fashion, but this team's offense is going to sneak up and surprise someone this season, and I'd sure like that someone to be #2 LSU.  So if you take issue with anything I've said here then just drop me an email by hitting the link at the top.  Also be sure to vote for next week's theme song, and check back with us next week for a very bold prediction regarding MSU upcoming match with LA Tech... oh wordplay, how I love thee.

Woolly Bully!!!! Woolly Bully...

Catch a Tiger by the tail...

Survivor - Eye of the Tiger (Rocky Balboa edition)

Risin' up, straight to the top,
Have the guts, got the glory.
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop,
Just a man and his will to survive...

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight.
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival...
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night,
And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger...


Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking... "A little cliche on the musical selection, don't you think, Hooch?"  Well, two things: 1) That's "MISTER Hooch" to you, junior, and 2) when you play three different Tiger teams three weeks in a row, you'd be hard-pressed NOT to throw in at least a passing reference to this song, so why not embrace it?  Also, speaking of songs there is now a poll for you to vote on what you want next week's theme song to be, so make sure to cast your vote right over there =============>

Now that we've got that out of the way...

MSU faces an Auburn team that is vastly different from the National Championship team of last year.  Cam Newton is gone, as are upwards of 15 starters on both sides of the ball.  Meanwhile MSU returns nearly all their starters from last year, including the new and improved Chris Relf (now with authentic passing-action!) and a WR core that is as deep as it's ever been for the Bulldogs.

Still, Auburn has built a program which is a consistent SEC contender, so it would be a huge mistake to underestimate the Tigers, even though they looked less than stellar against Utah State in their opening game last week.  And when I say "less than stellar" I mean they had to score, recover an on-side kick, and score aGAIN with less than 3 minutes to go in the game to pull out the win.

With only one week's worth of footage and info it's hard to read too much into anything, but when you consider that Mississippi State laid 59 on opening patsy Memphis while Auburn struggled to come away with a 4 point win in the last 30 seconds, it's hard not to have some expectations.  As any good college football fan will tell you, though, the most improvement is typically seen from the first to second weeks. With that in mind, let's get to it!

KEYS TO THE GAME -

OFFENSE -
The Mississippi State offense apparently picked up right where they left off in January after drubbing Michigan to the tune of 52-14.  In fact, the Bulldogs scorched Memphis for 645 yards of total offense, setting a new school record.  Dan Mullen clearly has the offense firing on all cylinders, but will it be enough to get past Auburn?
In a word, yes.  Auburn looked largely porous against Utah State's running game, allowing them to net 227 yards on the ground.  Word out of Auburn is that the play calling for this weekend will be more simplified in an effort to give the new players a chance to acclimate themselves to the system.  While that might seem good on the surface, the underlying meaning is that the defense could not effectively read plays and adjust.  That will be a serious issue when dealing with a Dan Mullen coached offense and a senior quarterback who can just as easily tuck the ball and pick up a first down, or toss it out to one of the many WR's for a potential big play.

DEFENSE -
Gus Malzhan is certainly no slouch.  The man parlayed a talented high school QB into an assistant coaching gig at Arkansas, and rode the coaching rails from there, with his most recent stop as the OC for Auburn's National Championship team last season.  Against Utah State the Tigers posted 286 yards through the air, and just 78 yards rushing, though.  Malzhan will certainly having his offense clicking better this weekend, but it's hard to imagine the Tigers beating the Bulldogs on the ground.  Chris Wilson is likely to pull a few guys back into coverage often in order to hedge his bets that Barrett Trotter is going to try to beat them with the pass.
This, then, will be the true test of one of the most worrisome positions on the field for the MSU defense.  Will the Dawgs' DB's be up to the task of stopping a legit SEC team's passing game?  Or will Auburn "skull-fuck [MSU]" through the air as one Auburn poster so eloquently put it in a very entertaining thread on a random internet message board. (full quote from poster known as Where Eagles Dare - "Auburn would have skull fucked the shit out of MSU last year if we played later in the season. Your team is pure shit and Relf is a homeless version of some random dumb nig QB." Nice work, W.E.D. ... Glad you found time to throw in the racial epithet while you were exemplifying everything that is high-class about your school.**)

(** - These are known as sarcasterisks.  Any word, phrase, sentence or paragraph preceding sarcasterisks should be read with a sarcastic tone.  Pretty straight forward, really...)


BOTTOM LINE -

SCORING -
This game has all the makings of a shoot-out, and I would not be surprised to find the final box score strongly resembling that of the Auburn/Arkansas game of a year ago.  In the end, the team with the most points on the scoreboard when the clock strikes zero will win. (Thank you, John Madden...) Ultimately, the veteran Dawgs defense will come away more successful than Auburn's, and Mississippi State walks out of Jordan-Hare Stadium with a 2-0 record and 5 short days to game plan for a tough, tough LSU team on Thursday night.


FINAL SCORE -
 Last week I was moderately close with my realistic prediction of 47-10 (final score was 59-14), and I feel confident my predictions this week will be in the ballpark as well.  As I said above, though, this has all the makings of a shoot-out, so it's entirely possible that you could add 2-3 scores on both sides of the equation, however I feel the margin of victory will remain relatively constant.  So, that being said...

WILD AND WOOLLY PREDICTION -
MSU 47 Auburn 14

REALISTIC PREDICTION -
MSU 35 Auburn 24

What's that, War Eagle?  You think I'm crazy?  Well why not drop me a line and let me know at houseofhooch@gmail.com, or just scroll back to the top of the page and hit the link on the right?  If Auburn wins you can spam me until your heart's content with "Neener-neener's" and "Told ya so's", and let's be honest, you probably don't have a whole lot more to look forward to this season, soooo....